Dearest Charmin,
This may be hard to believe, but ever since I was able to purchase my own toilet paper, I’ve only used you. For 13 years, the brand I loved, the brand I trusted, and the brand I knew that would always support me from behind was you.
From my youth until now, from UltraSoft to UltraStrong, you’ve been there to support me through my changes, even in my most intimate moments.
But I must apologize Charmin, because as much as you’ve supported me all these years, I was unable to support you now.
I worry a mark has come between us. A mark called, COVID-19.
You see Charmin, I tried to hold out. I ate more fibre, drank less caffeine. I put in so much effort, but still, you ran out on me.
I searched for you: high and low, near and far, deep and high. You were no where, and I had to turn to someone else for comfort.
I don’t want a bitter good-bye. I’ll do my best to remember our time together fondly. Maybe one day, our destinies will align to the same Target. For now, and for all the shit we’ve been through together, I want to say, “Thanks.”
Thanks,
rantHappy